i lost my phone. it really sucks. not that i got frequent phonecalls from people other than my mom, sister, and daisy, but i just feel weird without it. i have no landline, so.. meh. oh how controlled we are by our own inventions! ha.
no not coffee by myself again. i need to make some friends already. my roommate's gone most of the time and i don't know what her whereabouts are at the moment. but on the upside, my room looks hella cooool. lotsa space. i even bought this two-seater bucket chair from some chick off of craigslist, so now i can sit down during the day (my loft is too high).
one week into the semester and classes are good so far. i'm a beginner in all of my studio art courses, so its very challenging for me. however, i think i have the right teachers to help push me push myself. push push cushion.
i'm fiiiinally done with my essay. and poof! it's been sent to my TA because hells no i'm not going to class tomorrow when i can just turn it in early. i'm afraid i am going to that 7:30am review session on friday though, bleh.
so i've decided not to continue with kzsc volunteering. it's too bad though since i only have 7 hours left. i figure it's just not worth my time since i'll only be here until the end of the year and it's not even a guarantee that i'll get a show for the last quarter. i'm dropping fishrap next quarter, too, because they don't need a photographer, unfortunately. lord knows i can't write for shit, so i'd basically be useless. oh well. they were fun kids.
yeah, my plans are just falling through, but it's okay because i've got BACK UP PLANS! hoorah! so i'm taking extra credits at cabrillo winter& spring quarters. hopefully that won't be a bitch. i'm also hoping to get a job because i do, indeed, need the moolah (haha, everytime the word 'moolah' pops up, i think of that comcast commercial). if i get a digital slr for christmas, then i'll probably apply for a photographer position at CHP in spring.
my college applications are due on thursday. i'm applying to cal poly pomona for music business; and CSULB, CSUEB, SJSU for a BFA in photo & a BS in business. but i really really don't know what i want. or where i want to go. ha. i want to apply for SFSU because i want to live in san francisco where everything's hip, but that school is shit and doesn't offer anything for me. man, i'm gonna be in college forever. i'm gonna be one of those super super super seniors. so super the yearbook staff will assign me a cape that i'll be too ashamed to wear except to bed with my jammies. does ucsc have a yearbook? i don't think so.
this week has been so stressful and it's barely tuesday. well, wednesday now. but come thursday, things will be easier. until the weekend of course, then i have to study like mad for finals. but at least i'll have friday to semi-relax. oh and ooooh, spencer's coming over and we're going to bake & decorate christmas cookies! i'm so fuckin excited. it's really a dream come true. BAH. i think i'm gonna go watch gilmore girls.
ouch. i didn't think it would hurt this much.
i spoke with tony tonight and i didn't feel as jealous as i usually do toward the fact that he's moving on before me. staying friends with an ex is so difficult. no wonder everyone is always like, "people never stay friends." i'm glad we're working through it though. i'm trying to find peace in our relationship and more especially in myself. i hope it all works out.
it's been raining all day. all i have been wanting to do is take a walk in the rain and jump in some puddles with a friend. didn't happen. hopefully next time. i hope it doesn't rain tomorrow though because i need to do my laundry and i don't want my clothes getting wet on the way back from the laundry room.
i hate it when you can't remember what you wanted to write about. you know that it's everything. you want to write about every little thing, but you can't remember what it was.
i bought a vintage typewriter on ebay. i don't want it anymore, but i'm paying for it anyway because i did bid.
i like surprise phonecalls. it's nice to hear a familiar voice.
i'm not going home for thanksgiving, but i don't think i mind very much. i mean, it would be nice to see my friends and family, but i'll be seeing them two weeks later anyway and with the higher prices. plus, i'd like some more time away from san diego. i really wish i could spend my thanksgiving in san francisco just going around town for a few days, but i wouldn't have anywhere to stay. damn me for my lack of social skills in high school. i could've stayed in oakland or at sfsu if i was actually friends with people from there.
i can't believe it's almost halloween already. time's so slow and so quick.
i don't feel like i belong in college. i feel like i need a break. i don't know what i should be doing. not today and not tomorrow.
this song makes me think of beautiful things.
i hate to say it, but i'm thinking of investing in a digital camera. UGH. right when things started happening at the protest today, i ran out of film. and what was i left with? my cheapass camera phone to take pictures with. i just sat there mad dawging everyone who was clicking away awesome shots with their digital SLRs. grrr!
by "getting over you," i meant calling you all the time and getting reattached until you want me again so i can retreat and say i'm getting over you.
i really should be reading right now. really really really. it's only been a week; i don't want to fall behind. i have already forgotten what i wanted to say. if i had anything to say at all.
first day of darkroom monitoring wasn't bad. didn't have to set up any chemicals, didn't have to unlock the door, didn't even have to stay there the whole time. so i basically walked there and did nothing for a couple of hours. well, i did write faye a letter. now she doesn't know there's a bright pink envelope heading her way! watch out.
the CSOs came by the apartment yesterday. they didn't find anything. but we did find out that one of our housemates doesn't fancy what's been going on. he could've just said something.
i hope i don't become enveloped into drugs. i know i won't. there are still plenty of things i'd rather do. i hope i don't become addicted to ciggarettes.
i'm really different from the rest of my family. well i still have a lot of a conservative side (not in a political sense), but i have a feeling that my life is going to go down a different path than what they have in mind. that makes me glad.
i hope all is well with you. with me. with you and me.
i can taste the smell.
i love tony. he's such a good kid& deserves only the best.
i was in a grumpy mood all day yesterday, but before that i'd been feeling preeeetty good. first of all, my manager at work has been gone and will continue to be absent for another week. second, i've been helping out my sister with the wedding& that makes me feel productive. and third, this sundar kid has saved my summer.
he's the biggest dork i've ever met and it's really cute. he's so kind and sweet. he reminds me a looot of me. (not really the kind& sweet part though.) now i haven't decided if that's a good thing or a bad thing. we're both emotional people and he seems like the kind of person i want to be when i reach his age, which will be in another decade. i guess it's a good thing since i'm only sticking around for the summer and the beginning of relationships don't pack too much heat. but yeah, he's been to so many countries. i'm freaking jealous. and he listens to great music.
such a good guy. i'm afraid he's falling for me too fast though. i like him, but he seems to like me much more and that scares me because that always happens and the outcome is never good. i don't wanna hurt the kid.
alright. too much boy talk. not enough math talk.